THE TEST

“I knew something was wrong,” he said, emerging, big and efficient, from the firelight, “and I was just coming up.”  Before she could answer she felt his warm grasp on her hands, and it seemed to her suddenly that it was not only her hands he enfolded, but her agonized and suffering mind.

“There’s a man up there ­” she faltered helplessly.  “I was once married to him long ago ­oh, long ago.  Just now I found him in the street and he seems to be out of his mind.  We are frightened.”

But he seemed not to hear her, not to demand an explanation, not even to wait to discover what she wanted.  Already his long stride was outstripping her on the staircase, and while she followed more slowly, pausing now and then to take breath, she realized thankfully that the situation had passed completely away from her power of command.  As Miss Polly’s strength to hers, so was her strength to O’Hara’s.

Faint, despairing moans issued from Archibald’s room as she reached the landing; and going inside, she saw George wrestling feebly with O’Hara, who held him with one hand while with the other he waved authoritative directions to Miss Polly.

“Get the bed ready for him, with plenty of hot blankets.  He’s about at the end of his rope now.  It’s a jag, but it’s more than a jag, too.  If I’m not mistaken he’s in for a case of pneumonia.”

Miss Polly, hovering timidly at a safe distance, held out the blankets and the hot water bottles, while O’Hara carried George across the room to the bed, and then covered him warmly.  When he turned to glance about his gaze fell on Gabriella, and he remarked bluntly:  “You’d better get out.  You aren’t wanted.”

“But I am obliged to be here.  It is my business, not yours,” she replied, while a sensation of sickness passed over her.

For a moment he regarded her stubbornly, “Well, I don’t know whose business it was a minute ago,” he rejoined, “but it’s mine now.  I am boss of this particular hell, and you’re going to keep out of it.  I guess I know more about D.T. than you and Miss Polly put together would know in a thousand years.”

She was very humble.  In the sweetness of her relief, of her security, she would have submitted cheerfully not only to slang, but to downright profanity.  It was one of those unforgettable instants when character, she understood, was more effective than culture.  Even Arthur would have appeared at a disadvantage beside O’Hara at that moment.

“I think I ought to help you,” she insisted.

“Well, I think you oughtn’t.  Out you go!  I guess I know what I’m up against.”

Before she could protest, before she could even resist, he had pushed her out into the hail, and while she still hesitated there at the head of the staircase, the door opened far enough to allow the huddled figure of Miss Polly to creep through the crack.  Then the key turned in the lock; and O’Hara’s voice was heard pacifying George as he might have pacified a child or a lunatic.  After a few minutes the shrieks stopped suddenly; the door was unlocked again for a minute, and there floated out the reassuring words: 

“Don’t stand out there any longer.  It’s as right as right.  I’ve got him buffaloed!”

“What does he mean?” inquired Gabriella helplessly of the seamstress.

“I don’t know, but I reckon it’s all right,” responded Miss Polly.  “He seems to know just what to do, and anyhow the doctor’ll be here in a minute.  It seems funny to give him whiskey, don’t it, but that was the first thing Mr. O’Hara thought of.”

“I suppose his heart was weak.  He looked as if he were dying,” answered Gabriella.  “He asked for more whiskey, didn’t he?”

“Yes; I’m goin’ right straight to get it.  Oh, Gabriella, ain’t a man a real solid comfort sometimes?”

Without replying to this ejaculation, Gabriella went after the whiskey, and when she came back with the bottle in her hand, she found the doctor on the landing outside the locked door.  He was a stranger to her, and she had scarcely begun her explanation when O’Hara called him into the room.

“The sooner you take a look at him the better.”  Everything was taken out of her hands ­everything, even her explanation of George’s presence in her apartment.

As there was nothing more for her to do, she went back to the sitting-room, where a fire burned brightly, and began to talk to Miss Polly.

“I don’t know what I should have done if he hadn’t been here,” she said.

“Who?  Mr. O’Hara?  Well, it certainly was providential, honey, when you come to think of it.”

The door of Archibald’s room opened and shut, and the doctor came down the hall to the telephone.  They heard him order medicines from a chemist near-by; and then, after a minute, he took up the receiver, and spoke to a nurse at the hospital.  At first he gave merely the ordinary directions, but at the end of the conversation he said sharply in answer to a question:  “No, there’s no need of a restraining sheet.  He’s too far gone to be violent.  It is only a matter of hours.”

His voice stopped, and Gabriella went out to him.  “Will you tell me what you think, Doctor?” she asked.

“Is he your husband?” He had a blank, secretive face, with light eyes, and a hard mouth ­so different, she thought from the poetic face of Dr. French.

“I divorced him ten years ago.”

He looked at her searchingly.  “Well, he may last until morning, but it is doubtful.  His heart has given out.”

“Is there anything I can do?”

“No.  Morphine is the only thing.  We are going to try camphorated oil, but there is hardly a chance ­not a chance.”  He turned to go back into the room, then stopped, and added in the same tone of professional stoicism:  “The nurse will be here in half an hour, and I shall wait till she comes.”

When Gabriella went back to the sitting-room, Miss Polly was weeping.  “I followed you and heard what he said.  Oh, Gabriella, ain’t life too awful!”

“I’ll be glad when the nurse comes,” answered Gabriella with impatience.  Emotionally she felt as if she had turned to stone, and she had little inclination to explore the trite and tangled paths of Miss Polly’s philosophy.

The nurse, a stout, blond woman in spectacles, arrived on the stroke of the half-hour, and after talking with her a few minutes, the doctor took up his bag and came to tell Gabriella that he would return about daybreak.  “I’ve given instructions to the nurse, and Mr. O’Hara will sit up in case he is needed, but there is nothing to do except keep the patient perfectly quiet and give the hypodermics.  It is too late to try anything else.”

“May I go in there?”

“Well, you can’t do any good, but you may go in if you’d rather.”

Then he went, as if glad of his release, and after Gabriella had prevailed upon Miss Folly to go to bed, she changed her street dress for a tea-gown, and threw herself on a couch before the fire in the sitting-room.  An overpowering fatigue weighed her down; the yellow firelight had become an anodyne to her nerves; and after a few minutes in which she thought confusedly of O’Hara and Cousin Jimmy, she let herself fall asleep.

When she awoke a man was replenishing the fire, and as she struggled drowsily back into consciousness, she realized that he was not Cousin Jimmy, but O’Hara, and that he was placing the lumps of coal very softly in the fear of awaking her.

“Hallo, there!” he exclaimed when he turned with the scuttle still in his hand; “so you’re awake, are you?”

She started up.  “I’ve been asleep!” she exclaimed in surprise.

“You looked like a kid when I came in,” he responded cheerfully, and she reflected that even the presence of death could not shadow his jubilant spirit.  “I went back to the kitchen to make some coffee for the nurse and myself, and I thought you might like a cup.  It’s first-rate coffee, if I do say it.  Two lumps and a little cream, I guess that’s the way.  I rummaged in the icebox, and found a bottle of cream hidden away at the back.  That was right, wasn’t it?”

A strange, an almost uncanny feeling of reminiscence, of vague yet profound familiarity, was stealing over her.  It all seemed to have happened before, somewhere, somehow ­the slow awakening to the large dark form in the yellow firelight, O’Hara’s sudden turning to look at her, his exuberance, his sanguine magnetism, and even the cup of coffee he made and brought to her side.  She felt that it was the most natural thing in the world to awake and find him there and to drink his coffee.

“It’s good,” she answered; “I had no dinner, and I am very hungry.”

“I thought you’d be.  That’s why I brought a snack with it.”  He was cutting a chicken sandwich on the tray he had placed under the green shaded light, and after a minute he brought it to her and held the cup while she ate.  A nurse could not have been gentler about the little things she needed; yet she knew that he was rough, off-hand, careless ­she could imagine that he might become almost brutal if he were crossed in his purpose.  She had believed him to be so simple; but he was in reality, she saw, a mass of complexities, of actions and reactions, of intricacies and involutions of character.

“I don’t know what I should have done if you hadn’t been here,” she said gratefully while she ate the sandwich and he sat beside her holding her cup.  “But I’m so unused to being taken care of,” she added with a trembling little laugh, “that I don’t quite know how to behave.”

“Oh, you would have got on all right,” he rejoined carelessly; “but I’m glad all the same that I was here.”

She motioned toward the hall.  “Has there been any change?”

“No, there won’t be until morning.  He’ll last that long, I think.  We’re giving him a hypodermic every four hours, but it really ain’t any good, you know.  It is merely professional.”  For a minute he was silent, watching her gravely; then recovering his casual manner, he added:  “I shouldn’t let it upset me if I were you.  Things happen that way, and we’ve got to take them standing.”

She shook her head.  “I’m not upset.  I’m not feeling it in the least.  Somehow, I can’t even realize that I ever knew him.  If you told me it was all a dream, I should believe you.”

“Well, you’re a plucky sort.  I could tell that the first minute I saw you.”

“It’s not pluck.  I don’t feel things, that’s all.  I suppose I’m hard, but I can’t help it.”

“Hard things come useful sometimes; they don’t break.”

“Yes, I suppose if I’d been soft, I should have broken long ago,” she replied almost bitterly.

After putting the plate and cup aside, he sat down by the table, and gazed at her attentively for a long moment.  “Well, you look as soft as a white rose anyhow,” he remarked with a curiously impersonal air of criticism.

A rosy glow flooded her face.  It was so long since any man had commented upon her appearance that she felt painfully shy and displeased.

“All the same I’ve had a hard life,” she returned with passionate earnestness.  “I married when I was twenty, and seven years later my husband left me for another woman.”

“The one in there?”

She shuddered, “Yes, the one in there.”

“The darn fool!” he exclaimed briefly.

“There was a divorce, and then I had my two children to support and educate.  Because I had a natural talent for dressmaking, I turned to that, and in the end I succeeded.  But for ten years I never heard a word of the man I married ­until ­I met him downstairs ­in the street.”

“And you brought him in?”

“What else could I do?  He was dying.”

“Do you know what he was doing out there?”

“He was looking for me, I think.  He thought.  I would take him in.”

“Well, it’s strange how things work out,” was his comment after a pause.  “There’s something in it somewhere that we can’t see.  It’s impossible to reason it out or explain it, but life has a way of jerking you up at times and making you stand still and think.  I know I’m putting it badly, but I can’t talk ­I never could.  Words, don’t mean much to me, and yet I know ­I know ­” He hesitated, and she watched his thought struggle obscurely for expression.  “I know you can’t slip away from things and be a quitter, no matter how hard you try.  Life pulls you back again and again till you’ve learned to play the game squarely.”

He was gazing into the fire with a look that was strangely spiritual on his face, which was half in shadow, half in the transfiguring glow of the flames.  For the second time she became acutely aware of the hidden subtleties beneath his apparent simplicity.

“I’ve felt that myself often enough,” he resumed presently in a low voice.  “I’ve been pulled up by something inside of me when I was plunging ahead with the bit in my teeth, and it’s been just exactly as if this something said:  ’Go steady or you’ll run amuck and bu’st up the whole blooming show.’  You can’t talk about it.  It sounds like plain foolishness when you put it into words, but when it comes to you, no matter where you are, you have to stand still and listen.”

“And is it only when you are running amuck that you hear it?” she asked.

“No, there’ve been other times ­a few of them.  Once or twice I’ve had it come to me up in the Rockies when there didn’t seem more than a few feet between me and the sky, and then there was a time out on the prairie when I was lost and thought I’d never get to the end of those darned miles of blankness.  Well, I’ve had a funny road to travel when I look back at it.”

“Tell me about some of the women you knew in the West.”  An insatiable curiosity to hear the truth about his marriage seized her; but no sooner had she yielded to it than she felt an impulsive regret.  What right had she to pry into the hidden sanctities of his past?

A frown contracted his forehead, but he said merely:  “Oh, there wasn’t much about that,” and she felt curiously baffled and resentful.  “I think I’ll go and take a look in there,” he added, rising and walking softly in the direction of the room at the end of the hall.

He was gone so long that Gabriella, crushing down the revolt of her nerves, went to the door, and opening it very gently, looked cautiously into the room.  The window was wide open to the night, where the snow was still falling, and beside the candlestand at the head of the bed the nurse was filling a hypodermic syringe from a teaspoon.  By the open window O’Hara stood inhaling the frosty air; and Gabriella crossed the floor so silently that he did not notice her presence until he turned to watch the nurse give the injection.

Then he said in a whisper:  “You’d better go out.  You can’t do any good.”  But she made an impatient gesture of dissent, and stopping between the bed and the wall, waited while the nurse bared George’s arm and inserted the point of the needle.  He was lying so motionless that she thought at first that he was already dead; but presently he stirred faintly, a shiver ran through the thin arm on the sheet, and a low, half-strangled moan escaped from his lips.  Had she come upon him in a hospital ward, she knew that she should not have recognized him.  He was not the man she had once loved; he was not the father of her children; he was only a stranger who was dying in her house.  She could feel nothing while she looked down at him.  When she tried to remember her young love she could recall but a shadow.  That, too, was dead; that, too, had not left even a memory.

As she bent there above him she made an effort to remember what he had once been, to recall his face as she had first seen it, to revive the burning radiance of that summer when they had been lovers.  But a gray veil of forgetfulness wrapped the past; and her mind, when she tried to bring back the emotions of seventeen years ago, became vacant.  For so long she had stoically put the thought of that past out of her life, that when she returned to it now, she found that only ashes remained.  Then a swift stab of pity pierced her heart like a blade, and she saw again, not George her lover, not George her husband, but the photograph Mrs. Fowler had shown her of the boy in velvet clothes with the wealth of curls over his lace collar.  So it was that boy who lay dying like a stranger in the bed of his son!

She turned hurriedly and went out without speaking, without looking back when she opened the door.

“If one could only understand it,” she said aloud as she entered the sitting-room; and then, with a start of surprise, she realized that O’Hara had followed her.  “You walked so softly I didn’t hear you,” she explained.

“The rugs are thick, and I have on slippers.  My boots were soaking when I came in, and I’d just taken them off when you called.”

They sat down again in front of the fire; and while she stared silently at the flames, with her chin on her hand and her elbow on the arm of the chair, he burst out so unexpectedly that she caught her breath in a gasp: 

“You didn’t know that I was married, too, did you?” His words, and even more than his words, his voice, filled with suppressed emotion, awoke her from her reverie in which she had been dreaming of Arthur.

She smiled evasively, remembering her promise to Mrs. Squires.

He hesitated again, and then spoke with an effort.  “Well, it was hell!” he said grimly.

“I know” ­she was very gentle, full of understanding and sympathy ­“but you went through it bravely.”

“I stuck to her.”  His hand clenched while he answered.  Then, after a pause in which she watched him struggle against some savage instinct for secrecy, he added quietly:  “If she were alive to-day, I’d be sticking to her still.”

“You must have loved her.”  It was all she could think of to say, and yet the words sounded trite and canting as soon as she had uttered them.

Lifting his head quickly, he made a contemptuous gesture of dissent.  “No, it wasn’t that.  I never loved her, except, perhaps, just at the first.  But there’s something that comes before love, I guess.  I don’t know what it is, but there’s something.  It may be just plain doggedness, but after I married her there wasn’t anything on top this earth that could have made me give up and let go.  As soon as I found what I was up against ­it was morphine ­I knew I’d either got to fight it out or be a quitter, and I’ve never been a quitter.  Until she got so bad she had to be shut up I kept a home for her out there in Colorado, and I lived with her in hell as long as she wasn’t too bad to be out of a hospital.  Then I brought her on here and we found a private place down on Long Island where she stayed till she died ­”

“And you still saw her?”

“Except when I was out West, and that’s where I was most of the time, you know.  My work was out there, and there’s nothing like hell behind you to keep you running.  I made piles of money those years.  That’s all I ever cared for about money ­just making it.  I’d fight the devil to get it, but after I’ve once got it, I’ll give it to the first fool who comes begging.  But the getting of it is great.”

“How long did it last?”

“My marriage?  Going on eighteen years.  She was down on Long Island for the last ten of them.”

“Then you lived with her eight.  Was she always ­always-”

“Took it before I ever married her, and I found it out in a month.  She wasn’t so much to blame as you might think,” he pursued thoughtfully.  “You see she had a tough time of it, and she was little and weak, and everything was against her.  She came out West first to teach school, and then she got mixed up with some skunk of a man who pretended to marry her when he had a wife living in Chicago, and after that I guess she went on taking a dope just to keep up her spirits and ease the pain of some spinal trouble she’d had since she was a child.  There was nothing bad in her ­she was just weak ­and I began to feel sorry for her, and so I did it.  If I had it to do over again, I’m not so sure I’d act differently.  She was a poor little creature that didn’t have any man to look after her, and I was just muddling along anyway, thinking about money.  Heaven knows what would have become of her if I hadn’t happened along when I did.”

He had lifted his head toward the light, while he ran his hand through his hair, and again she saw the look, so like spiritual exaltation, transfigure his face.  Before this man, who had sprung from poverty and dirt, who had struggled up by his own force, overcoming and triumphing, fighting and winning, fighting and holding, fighting and losing, but always fighting ­before this man, who had been born in a cellar, she felt suddenly humbled.  Without friends, without knowledge, except the bitter knowledge of the streets, he had fought his fight, and had kept untarnished a certain hardy standard of honour.  Beside this tremendous achievement she weighed his roughness, his ignorance of books and of the superficial conventions, and she realized how little these things really mattered ­how little any outside things mattered in the final judgment of life.  She thought of George, dying a drunkard’s death in the room at the end of the hail ­of George whose way had been smoothed for him from birth, who had taken everything that he had wanted.

“I wish there was something I could do for you ­something to help you,” she said impetuously.  “But I never saw any one who seemed to need help so little.”

His face brightened, and she saw that her words had brought a touching wistfulness into his eyes.

“Well, if you’d let me come and talk to you sometimes” he answered shyly.  “There’re a lot of things I’d like to talk to you about ­things I don’t know, things I do know, and things I half know.”

From the brilliant look she turned on him, he understood that he must have given her pleasure, and she saw the smile return to his face.

“I’ll tell you everything I know and welcome,” she replied readily; “but that isn’t much.  Better than that, I’ll read to you.”

“If you don’t mind, I think I’d rather you’d just talk.”  Then he rose with one of his abrupt movements, “I’d better look in again now.  The nurse might want something.”

“I feel that you oughtn’t to stay up,” urged Gabriella, rising as he turned away from her.  “You have done all you can.”

His only response was an impatient negative gesture, and without looking at her, he crossed the room quickly and went out into the hall.  Hardly a minute had passed, and she was still standing where he had left her, when he returned and said in a whisper: 

“He is going now ­very quietly.  Will you come?”

She shook her head, crying out sharply:  “No! no!” Then before something in his face her opposition melted swiftly away, and she added:  “Yes, I’ll come.  He might like to have some one by him who knew him as he used to be.”

“After all, he got the worst of it, poor devil!” he answered gently as he opened the door.

By a miracle of memory her resentment was swept out of her thoughts, and she was conscious of an infinite pity.  In George’s face, while she watched it, there flickered back for an instant the glory of that enchanted spring when she had first loved him.  Of his brilliant promise, his ardent youth, there remained only this fading glimmer in the face of a man who was dying.  And it seemed to her suddenly that she saw embodied in this wreck of youth and love all the inscrutable mystery not of death, but of life.  Her tears fell quickly, and while they fell O’Hara’s grasp enfolded her hand.

“It’s over now.  The best thing that could happen to him has happened,” he said, and the touch of his hand was like the touch of life itself, consoling, strengthening, restoring.

In the days that followed it was as if the helpful spirit of Cousin Jimmy had returned to her in the unfamiliar character of O’Hara.  The ghastly details of George’s burial were not only taken out of her hands, she was hardly permitted to know even that they were necessary.  All explanations were made, not by her, but by O’Hara; and when they returned together from the cemetery, Gabriella brought with her a feeling that she had been watching something that belonged to O’Hara laid in the earth.  But when she tried to thank him, she found that he was apparently unaware that he had done anything deserving of gratitude.

“Oh, that’s nothing.  Anybody would have done it,” he remarked, and dismissed the subject forever.

For a week after this she did not see him again; and then one Saturday afternoon, when she was leaving Dinard’s, they met by chance and walked home together.  It was the first time she had been in the street with him, and she was conscious of feeling absurdly young and girlish ­she, the mother of a daughter old enough to have love affairs!  A soft flush ­the flush of youth ­tinted her pale cheek; her step, which so often dragged wearily after the day’s work, was as buoyant as Fanny’s; and her low, beautiful laugh was as gay as if she were not burdened by innumerable anxieties.  As they passed a shop window, her reflection flashed back at her, and she thought happily:  “Yes, it is true, you are better looking at thirty-seven, Gabriella, than you were at twenty.”

“Shall we walk down?” asked O’Hara, and added:  “So that was your shop?  I am glad that I saw it.  But what do you do there all day?”

She laughed merrily.  “Put in pins and take them out again.  Design, direct, scold, and flatter.  We are getting in the spring models now, and it’s very exciting.”

He glanced down at her figure, noting, as if for the first time, the narrowness at the feet, the large loose waist, and the bunchiness around the hips.

“Did you make that?” he inquired.

“This coat?  Oh, no; it came from Paris.  It was left on my hands,” she explained, “or I shouldn’t be wearing it.  I wear only what people won’t buy, you know.”

“No, I didn’t know,” he returned abstractedly, and she observed humorously after a minute that he was not thinking of her because he was thinking so profoundly about her clothes.  It was his way, she had discovered, to concentrate his mind intensely upon the object before him, no matter how trivial or insignificant it might appear.  He seemed never to have learned how to divide either his interest or his attention.

“If you could make what you wanted,” he remarked, “I should think you’d make them more comfortable.  Are you going to wear those hobble skirts this spring?”

“They’ll be narrow at the feet but very bunchy at the top ­doesn’t that sound delightful?  I am making a white taffeta for Fanny that has five or six yards of perfectly good material puffed out in the most ridiculous way at the back over a petticoat of silver lace.”

Her spirits felt so light, so effervescent, that she wanted to jest, to laugh, to talk nonsense interminably; and after his first moments of bewilderment, when he appeared still unable to detach his mind from his business, he entered gaily and heartily into her mood.  His perplexities once disposed of, he gave himself entirely to the enjoyment of the walk with her, and she noticed for the first time his boyish delight in the simplest details of life.  With the simplicity of a man to whom large pleasures are unknown, he threw himself whole-heartedly into the momentary diversion of small ones.  Every person in the crowd, she discovered, excited his interest, and his humour bubbled over at the most insignificant things ­at the grimace of a newsboy who offered him a paper, at the absurd hat worn by a woman in a motor car, at the expression of disgusted solemnity on the face of a servant in livery, at the giggles of an over-dressed girl who hung on the arm of an anemic and exhausted admirer.  Never before had she encountered such vitality, such careless, pure, and uncalculating joy of life.  There was a tonic quality in his physical presence, and while she walked at his side down Fifth Avenue she felt as if she were swept onward by one of the health-giving, pine-scented winds of Colorado.  And she told herself reassuringly that only a man who had lived decently could have kept himself so extraordinarily young and exuberant at forty-five.

The shop windows, particularly those displaying men’s shirtings, enchanted him; and he stopped a moment before each one, while she yielded as obligingly as she might have yielded to a fancy of Archibald’s, though she was aware that her son would have scorned to look into a window.

“It’s so seldom I get out on the Avenue, that’s why I like it, I suppose,” he remarked while they were surveying a festive arrangement of pink madras.

She smiled up at him, and her smile, gay as it was, held a touch of maternal solicitude.  Notwithstanding his bigness and his success and his forty-five years, there was something appealingly boyish about him.

“It would be so easy to get out, wouldn’t it?” she asked as they walked on again.

“Well, there ain’t much fun when you are by yourself.”

“But you know plenty of people.”

“Oh, yes, I know people enough in a business way, but that don’t mean having friends, does it?  Of course, I’ve men friends scattered everywhere,” he added.  “The West is full of ’em, but it’s funny when you come to think of it ­” He broke off, hesitated an instant, and then went on again:  “It’s funny, but I don’t believe.  I ever had a woman friend in my life ­I mean a friend who wasn’t just the wife of some man I knew in business.”

The confession touched her, and she answered impulsively:  “Well, that’s just what I want to be to you ­a good friend.”

He laughed, but his eyes shone as he looked down on her.  “If you’d only take the trouble.”

“It won’t be any trouble ­not a bit of it.  After your goodness to me, how could I help being your friend?”

Lifting her eyes she would have met his squarely while she spoke, but he was not looking at her ­he appeared, indeed, to be looking almost obstinately away from her.

“There wasn’t anything in what I did,” he responded in a barely audible voice, and she understood that he was embarrassed by her gratitude.

“But there was something in it ­there was a great deal in it,” she insisted.  It was so easy to be natural with a man, so easy to be candid and sincere when there was no question of sentiment, and, she thought almost gratefully of the elusive and mysterious Alice.  The faintest suggestion of romance would have spoiled things in the beginning; but thanks to the hidden Alice, she might be as kind and frank as she pleased.  Besides, she was nearly thirty-eight, and a woman of thirty-eight might certainly be trusted to make a friend of a man of forty-five.

With this thought, over which the memory of Arthur brooded benevolently, in her mind, she said warmly:  “It will make so much difference to me, too, having a real friend in New York.”

He turned to her with a start.  “Do you mean that I could make a difference to you?”

“The greatest difference, of course,” she rejoined brightly, eager to convince him of his importance in her life.  “I can’t tell you ­you would never understand how lonely I get at times, and now with the children away it is worse than ever ­the loneliness, I mean, and the feeling that there isn’t anybody one could turn to in trouble.”

For a minute he appeared to ponder this deeply.  “Well, you could always come to me if you needed anything,” he answered at last, and she felt intuitively that for some reason he was distrustful either of himself or of her.  “I am not here very much of my time, but whenever I am, I am entirely at your service.”

“But that’s only half of it.”  She was determined to reassure him.  “A friendship can’t be one-sided, can it?  And it isn’t fair when you give everything, that I should give nothing.”

His scruples surrendered immediately to her argument.  “You give everything ­you give happiness,” he said ­a strange speech certainly from the twilight lover of Alice.  However, as she reasoned clearly after her first perplexity, men were often strange when one least expected or desired strangeness.  At thirty-seven, whatever else life had denied her, she felt that it had granted her a complete understanding of men; and it was out of this complete understanding that she observed brightly after a minute: 

“Well, if you feel that way, we are obliged to be friends.”  At least she would prove by her frankness that she was not one of those foolish women who are always taking things seriously.

“Yes, you give happiness.  You scatter it, all over the place,” he went on, groping an instant after the right words.

“Cousin Jimmy used to say,” she laughed back, “that I had a sunny temper.”

“That’s it ­that’s what I meant,” he replied eagerly; and she was impressed again by his utter inability to make light conversation.  When he was once started, when he had lost himself in his subject, she knew that he could speak both fluently and convincingly; but she realized that he simply couldn’t talk unless he had something to say.  In order to put him at his ease again, she remarked with pleasant firmness:  “Do you know there is something about you that reminds me of my Cousin Jimmy.  It gives me almost a cousinly feeling for you.”

She had the air of expecting him to be interested, but he met it with the rather vague interrogation:  “Cousin Jimmy?”

“The cousin who always came to our help when we were in trouble.  We used to say that if the bread didn’t rise, mother sent for Cousin Jimmy.”

Though he laughed readily enough, she could see that his attention was still wandering.  “I never had a cousin,” he returned after a pause, “or a relation of any sort, for that matter.”

His voice was curiously distant, and she was conscious of a slight shock, as if she had run against one of the hard places in his character.  “Well, I’ve done my best,” she thought impatiently.  “If he doesn’t want to be friends he needn’t be.”  Then, with a change of manner, she observed flippantly:  “Sometimes one’s relatives are useful and sometimes they’re not.”  Really, he was impossibly heavy except in a crisis; and one could scarcely be expected to produce crises in order to put him thoroughly at his ease.

As he made no response to her trite remark, she, also, fell silent, while they turned into Twenty-third Street, and began the long walk to Ninth Avenue.  Once or twice, glancing inquiringly into his face, which wore a preoccupied look, she wondered if he were thinking of Alice.  Then, as the silence became suddenly oppressive, she ventured warily in the effort to dispel it:  “I hope you are not disturbed about anything?”

“Disturbed?” He turned to her with a start.  “No, I was only wondering if you knew how much your friendship would mean to me.”

It was out at last, and confirmed once more in her knowledge of men, she retorted gaily:  “How can I know if you won’t take the trouble to tell me?” After all, she reflected cheerfully, the education she had derived from George and Judge Crowborough, though lacking in the higher branches, was fundamentally sound.  All men were alike in one thing at least ­they invariably disappointed one’s expectations.

“I’ve been trying to tell you for a quarter of an hour,” he answered, “and I didn’t know how to put it.”

“But at last you didn’t have to put it at all,” she said laughingly; “it simply put itself, didn’t it?”

“I am still wondering,” he persisted gravely.

“Wondering if I know?” She spoke in the sweetly practical tone of one who is firmly resolved not to permit any nonsense.  “Yes, I do know ­that is, I know there are ways in which I might be useful to you.”

“For instance?”

“Well, there are some little ­some very little things I might tell you if we were friends ­real friends,” she made this plain, “just as two men might be.”

“But the very last things two men would tell each other,” he was laughing now, “are the little things ­the things about slang and walking-sticks and oak furniture.”

So he hadn’t forgotten!  The recollection of her impertinence confused her, and she hastened to make light of it by protesting gaily:  “I was only joking.  Of course, you didn’t take that seriously.”

“I don’t know how much more seriously,” he replied emphatically, “I could have taken it.”

“But you haven’t thought of it since?”

“What would you say if I told you I hadn’t thought of anything else?”

“Then I wish I hadn’t said it.”  She was obviously worried by his admission.  “It was horrid of me ­perfectly horrid.  I ought to have been ashamed of myself.  I had no right to criticise you, and you have been so heavenly kind.”

“After that” ­he appeared to be hammering the idea into her mind ­“I was so grateful I’d have done almost anything.  Do you know,” he burst out with evident emotion, “that was the first criticism ­I mean downright honest criticism ­I’ve ever had in my life.  Nobody ­that is nobody who knew ­ever thought enough of me before to tell me where I was wrong.”

It was all a pathetic mistake, she saw, but she saw also that it was impossible for her to explain it away.  She could not tell him the ugly truth that she had been merely laughing at him when he had believed, in his beautiful simplicity, that she was speaking as a friend.  Though she felt ashamed, humbled, remorseful, there was nothing that she could say now which would not hurt him more than the original misunderstanding had done.

In her desire to atone as far as possible, she remarked recklessly:  “I only wish I could be of some real help to you.”

“You can,” he answered frankly.  “You can let me come to see you sometimes before I go West again.”

“You are going back in the spring?”

He laughed happily, drawing himself erect with a large, free movement as if he needed to stretch his limbs.  “I can’t stand more than six months of the East, and I’ve been here a year now, off and on.  After a time I begin to want air.  I want to breathe.”

“Yet you lived here once.”

“A sort of life, yes, but that don’t count.”

“What does count with you, I wonder?” She was smiling up at him, and as they passed under a street light her eyes shone with a misty brightness through her veil of dotted net.

For a minute he thought over her question.  “I guess fighting does,” he answered at last.  “Getting on in spite of hard knocks, and smashing things that stand in your way.  I like the feeling that comes after you’ve put through a big deal or got the better of the desert or the mountains.  I got joy in Arizona out of my first silver mine; but I didn’t get the joy exactly out of the silver.  I don’t suppose you understand.”

“Oh, yes, I do.  I understand perfectly.  It’s the pure spirit of adventure.  Whenever we do a thing for the sake of the struggle, not for the thing itself, it’s pure adventure, isn’t it?”

“Well, I like money,” he said with the air of being entirely honest.  “I’m not a romantic chap, don’t think that about me.  I care a lot about money, only after I’ve made it, somehow, I never know what to do with it.  All I want for myself is a place to sleep and a bite to eat ­I’m not over-particular what it is ­and clothes to wear, good clothes, too ­but I don’t give a hang for motor cars except to go long distances in when there are no trains running.”

It was the commonplace problem, worked out in intricate detail, of the newly rich, of the uncultivated rich, of the rich whose strenuously active processes of enrichment had permanently closed all other highways to experience.  Seventeen years ago the Gabriella of Hill Street would have had only disdain for the newly rich and their problems; but life, which had softened her judgment and modified her convictions, had completely reversed her inherited opinion of such a case as O’Hara’s.  Though he was as raw as unbaked brick, she was penetrating enough to discern that he was also as genuine; and, so radically had events altered her point of view, that at thirty-seven she found genuine rawness more appealing than superficial refinement.  George had wearied her of the sham and the superficial, of gloss without depth, of manner without substance, of charm without character.

“But there is so much that you might do to help,” she said presently.  “After all, money is power, isn’t it?”

“Misused power too often,” he answered.  “Of course, you can always build lodging-houses and tenements and hospitals; but when you come squarely down to facts, I’ve never in my life tried to help a man by giving him money that I haven’t regretted it.  Why, I’ve ruined men by helping to make their way too easy at the start.”

“Perhaps you’re right,” she admitted; “I don’t know much about it, I confess; but I should have been spared a great deal of suffering if I had had something to start with when I was obliged to make my living.”

“That’s different.”  His voice had grown gentle in an instant.  “I can’t think of your ever having had a hard time.  You seem so strong, so successful, so happy.”

If she had answered straight from her heart, Gabriella would have retorted frankly:  “A good deal of that is in the shape of my face and the way I dress,” but instead of speaking sincerely, she remarked with impersonal cheerfulness:  “Oh, well, happiness, like everything else, is mainly a habit, isn’t it?  I cultivated the habit of happiness at the most miserable time of my life, and I’ve never quite lost it.”

“But I don’t like to think of your ever having worried,” he protested.

Of her ever having worried!  Was he becoming dangerously sentimental or was it merely a random spark of his unquenchable Western chivalry?

Though she told herself emphatically again that she was not falling in love with O’Hara, though she was perfectly faithful in her heart to the memory of Arthur, still she was vividly aware with every drop of her blood, with every beat of her pulses, of the man at her side.  And through her magnetic sense of his nearness there flowed to her presently a deeper and clearer perception of the multitudinous movements of life which surrounded her ­of the variable darkness out of which lights flashed and gigantic spectacular outlines loomed against a dim background of sky, of the vague shapes stirring, swarming, creating there in the darkness, and always of the pitiless, insatiable hunger from which the city had sprung.  For the first time, flowing like a current from the mind of the man beside her, there came to her an understanding of her own share in the common progress of life ­for the first time she felt herself to be not merely a woman who lived in a city, but an integral part of that city, one cell among closely packed millions of cells.  Something of the responsibility she felt for her own children seemed to spread out and cover the city lying there in its dimness and mystery.

“But I don’t like to think of your ever having worried,” he repeated.

“Oh, it’s over now,” she returned, severely matter-of-fact.  “It took me years to make my way, but I’ve made it at last, and I may settle down to a comfortable middle-age without the dread of the poorhouse to spur me into activity.  My business is doing very well; our custom has doubled in the last two or three years.”

“But wasn’t it a tough pull at one time?”

“It was hard; but what isn’t?  Of course, when I was obliged to work from nine till six and then come home to cook the children’s dinner and teach them their lessons, I used to be tired out by the end of the day ­but that lasted only a few years:  five or six at the most ­and now I can afford to let Fanny wear imported gowns when she goes out to parties.”

Though she spoke gaily, making a jest of her struggle, she saw the gravity of his face deepen until his features looked almost wooden.

“And through it all you kept something that so many other women seem to lose when they work for a living,” he said.  “You’ve kept your ­your charm.”

Again she found herself on the point of exclaiming frankly:  “heaven knows I’ve tried to!” ­and again, checking herself, she proceeded cautiously:  “I’ve never understood why charm should be merely a hothouse flower.”

“I suppose it does depend a good deal upon a sunny temper,” he rejoined in his blindness.

They had reached the gate, and stopping him when he would have entered, she said with the directness of a man:  “So we’re friends, and you’re coming to see me?”

“Yes, I’m coming,” he replied gravely.  Then, standing beside the gate, he watched her while she went up the walk and opened the door with her key.

Upstairs, with her knitting on her lap and her feet on the fender, Miss Polly looked up to observe:  “You’re late, Gabriella.  You must have walked all the way.”

“Yes, I walked all the way.  Mr. O’Hara joined me.”

“Where did you run across him?”

“Just as I left the shop.  He was walking down Fifth Avenue.”

“Do you reckon he was waitin’ outside?”

“Oh, no, he said he had been up to Fifty-ninth Street on business.”

“Well, the walk certainly did you good.  You are bloomin’ like a rose.”

“The air was delicious, and I really like talking to Mr. O’Hara.  He is quite interesting after you get over the first impression, and he isn’t nearly so ignorant about things as I imagined.  He has thought a great deal even if he hasn’t read very much.  It’s wonderful, isn’t it, what the West can do with a man?  Now, if he’d stayed in New York he would have been merely impossible, but because he has lived out of doors he has achieved a certain distinction.  I can understand a woman falling in love with him just because of his force and his bigness.  They are the qualities a woman likes most, I think.”

“He must have made a great deal of money.”

“Yes, he’s rich, and that’s a good thing.  I like money tremendously, though I used to think that I didn’t.  I wonder if he had been poor if I should have liked him quite so much?” she asked herself honestly.

“I don’t ’spose you could ever ­ever bring yourself to think of him, honey?  It would be a mighty good thing in some ways.”

Gabriella, being in a candid mood, pondered the question without subterfuge or evasion.  “Of course I’ve passed the sentimental age,” she answered.  “If Mr. O’Hara had been poor, I suppose I should never have thought of him; but his money does make a difference.  It stands for success, achievement, and ability, and I like all those qualities.  Then he is rough in many ways, but he isn’t a bit vulgar.  He has genuine character.  There is absolutely no pretence about him.”

“You could catch him in a minute,” replied Miss Polly hopefully, animated by the inveterate match-making instinct of her class.

Gabriella laughed merrily.  “Oh, yes, I might capture him if I went questing for him.  I am not a child.  But put that out of your head forever, Miss Polly.  I have given him clearly to understand that there must be no nonsense, though, for the matter of that, I doubt if he needed the warning.  There is an Alice.”

“I reckon it would take more than an Alice to stand in the way if you wanted him,” insisted the little seamstress, possessed by an obstinate conviction that fate could provide no happiness apart from marriage.

“Perhaps.  But you see I don’t want him.”  Gabriella had become perfectly serious, and to Miss Polly’s amazement a hint of petulance showed in her manner.  “Everything of that kind was over for me long ago.  I never think of love now, and if I did there wouldn’t be but one ­but one ­”

“I know, honey,” agreed Miss Polly, suddenly softened, “and I’d give anything on earth if you and Arthur could come together again.”

“It wouldn’t be any use.  I made my choice, and I have had to abide by it.  He could never forgive me ­“.  She stopped as if she were choking, and Miss Polly said sympathetically: 

“Well, I wish he had a chance to, that’s all.  Why don’t you run down to Richmond for a few days this spring to see your folks?  Your ma and all would be so glad to see you, and it ain’t as if you had the children to keep you back.  The thing that worries me,” she added with feeling, “is the thought of your spendin’ the summer here without the children.  If Archibald goes to camp from school and Fanny joins Jane at the White Sulphur Springs as soon as her school is out, you won’t have them at all, will you?”

“No, but they will be happy; that is the only thing that matters.”

“It seems all wrong to me.  What do you get out of life, honey?”

“What do any of us get out of it, dear little Miss Polly, except the joy of triumphing?  It’s overcoming that really matters, nothing else, and it is the same thing to you and to me that it is to the man downstairs.  I am happy because in my little way I stood the test of struggle, and so are you, and so is Mr. O’Hara.”

“But you’re young yet, and it ain’t natural for you to live as you’re doin’.  Lots of women marry when they’re older than you are.”

“Oh, yes, if they want to ­”

For a minute the little seamstress rattled her newspaper while she looked at her without replying.  Then, after folding the paper, and removing her spectacles, she asked grimly:  “Can you look me in the eyes, Gabriella, and tell me that you ain’t still hankerin’ after Arthur?”

The blush of a girl made the business-like Gabriella appear as young and as piquantly feminine as her daughter.

“No, Miss Polly, I cannot,” she answered with incomparable directness; “I have loved Arthur all my life.”

“That’s just what I thought all along, and yet you went off and married somebody else.”  Excited by the unexpected confession, Miss Polly was quivering with sympathy.

In that supreme instant of self-revelation Gabriella answered this accusation as if it had been uttered by her remorseful conscience.  “But that wasn’t love,” she said slowly; “it was my youth craving experience; it was my youth reaching after the unknown, the untried, the undiscovered.  We all go questing for adventure one way or another, I suppose, but it was not the reality.”

“I wonder what is,” said Miss Polly in a whisper; “I wonder what is, Gabriella?”

“That,” replied Gabriella softly, “is what I am still trying to discover.”