The next six months were the happiest
time of her life, for Herminia. All day long
she worked hard with her classes; and often in the
evenings Alan Merrick dropped in for sweet converse
and companionship. Too free from any taint of
sin or shame herself ever to suspect that others could
misinterpret her actions, Herminia was hardly aware
how the gossip of Bower Lane made free in time with
the name of the young lady who had taken a cottage
in the row, and whose relations with the tall gentleman
that called so much in the evenings were beginning
to attract the attention of the neighborhood.
The poor slaves of washer-women and working men’s
wives all around, with whom contented slavery to a
drunken, husband was the only “respectable”
condition, couldn’t understand for
the life of them how the pretty young lady could make
her name so cheap; “and her that pretends to
be so charitable and that, and goes about in the parish
like a district visitor!” Though to be sure
it had already struck the minds of Bower Lane that
Herminia never went “to church nor chapel;”
and when people cut themselves adrift from church
and chapel, why, what sort of morality can you reasonably
expect of them? Nevertheless, Herminia’s
manners were so sweet and engaging, to rich and poor
alike, that Bower Lane seriously regretted what it
took to be her lapse from grace. Poor purblind
Bower Lane! A life-time would have failed it
to discern for itself how infinitely higher than its
slavish “respectability” was Herminia’s
freedom. In which respect, indeed, Bower Lane
was no doubt on a dead level with Belgravia, or, for
the matter of that, with Lambeth Palace.
But Herminia, for her part, never
discovered she was talked about. To the pure
all things are pure; and Herminia was dowered with
that perfect purity. And though Bower Lane lay
but some few hundred yards off from the Carlyle Place
Girl’s School, the social gulf between them
yet yawned so wide that good old Miss Smith-Waters
from Cambridge, the head-mistress of the school, never
caught a single echo of the washerwomen’s gossip.
Herminia’s life through those six months was
one unclouded honeymoon. On Sundays, she and
Alan would go out of town together, and stroll across
the breezy summit of Leith Hill, or among the brown
heather and garrulous pine-woods that perfume the
radiating spurs of Hind Head with their aromatic resins.
Her love for Alan was profound and absorbing; while
as for Alan, the more he gazed into the calm depths
of that crystal soul, the more deeply did he admire
it. Gradually she was raising him to her own
level. It is impossible to mix with a lofty
nature and not acquire in time some tincture of its
nobler and more generous sentiments. Herminia
was weaning Alan by degrees from the world; she was
teaching him to see that moral purity and moral earnestness
are worth more, after all, than to dwell with purple
hangings in all the tents of iniquity. She was
making him understand and sympathize with the motives
which led her stoutly on to her final martyrdom, which
made her submit without a murmur of discontent to
her great renunciation.
As yet, however, there was no hint
or forecast of actual martyrdom. On the contrary,
her life flowed in all the halo of a honeymoon.
It was a honeymoon, too, undisturbed by the petty
jars and discomforts of domestic life; she saw Alan
too seldom for either ever to lose the keen sense
of fresh delight in the other’s presence.
When she met him, she thrilled to the delicate fingertips.
Herminia had planned it so of set purpose. In
her reasoned philosophy of life, she had early decided
that ’tis the wear and tear of too close daily
intercourse which turns unawares the lover into the
husband; and she had determined that in her own converse
with the man she loved that cause of disillusion should
never intrude itself. They conserved their romance
through all their plighted and united life. Herminia
had afterwards no recollections of Alan to look back
upon save ideally happy ones.
So six months wore away. On the
memory of those six months Herminia was to subsist
for half a lifetime. At the end of that time,
Alan began to fear that if she did not soon withdraw
from the Carlyle Place School, Miss Smith-Waters might
begin to ask inconvenient questions. Herminia,
ever true to her principles, was for stopping on till
the bitter end, and compelling Miss Smith-Waters to
dismiss her from her situation. But Alan, more
worldly wise, foresaw that such a course must inevitably
result in needless annoyance and humiliation for Herminia;
and Herminia was now beginning to be so far influenced
by Alan’s personality that she yielded the point
with reluctance to his masculine judgment. It
must be always so. The man must needs retain
for many years to come the personal hegemony he has
usurped over the woman; and the woman who once accepts
him as lover or as husband must give way in the end,
even in matters of principle, to his virile self-assertion.
She would be less a woman, and he less a man, were
any other result possible. Deep down in the very
roots of the idea of sex we come on that prime antithesis, the
male, active and aggressive; the female, sedentary,
passive, and receptive.
And even on the broader question,
experience shows one it is always so in the world
we live in. No man or woman can go through life
in consistent obedience to any high principle, not
even the willing and deliberate martyrs. We
must bow to circumstances. Herminia had made
up her mind beforehand for the crown of martyrdom,
the one possible guerdon this planet can bestow upon
really noble and disinterested action. And she
never shrank from any necessary pang, incidental to
the prophet’s and martyr’s existence.
Yet even so, in a society almost wholly composed
of mean and petty souls, incapable of comprehending
or appreciating any exalted moral standpoint, it is
practically impossible to live from day to day in
accordance with a higher or purer standard. The
martyr who should try so to walk without deviation
of any sort, turning neither to the right nor to the
left in the smallest particular, must accomplish his
martyrdom prematurely on the pettiest side-issues,
and would never live at all to assert at the stake
the great truth which is the lodestar and goal of
his existence.
So Herminia gave way. Sadly against
her will she gave way. One morning in early March,
she absented herself from her place in the class-room
without even taking leave of her beloved schoolgirls,
whom she had tried so hard unobtrusively to train up
towards a rational understanding of the universe around
them, and sat down to write a final letter of farewell
to poor straight-laced kind-hearted Miss Smith-Waters.
She sat down to it with a sigh; for Miss Smith-Waters,
though her outlook upon the cosmos was through one
narrow chink, was a good soul up to her lights, and
had been really fond and proud of Herminia. She
had rather shown her off, indeed, as a social trump
card to the hesitating parent, “This
is our second mistress, Miss Barton; you know her
father, perhaps; such an excellent man, the Dean of
Dunwich.” And now, Herminia sat down with
a heavy heart, thinking to herself what a stab of pain
the avowal she had to make would send throbbing through
that gentle old breast, and how absolutely incapable
dear Miss Smith-Waters could be of ever appreciating
the conscientious reasons which had led her, Iphigenia-like,
to her self-imposed sacrifice.
But, for all that, she wrote her letter
through, delicately, sweetly, with feminine tact and
feminine reticence. She told Miss Smith-Waters
frankly enough all it was necessary Miss Smith-Waters
should know; but she said it with such daintiness that
even that conventionalized and hide-bound old maid
couldn’t help feeling and recognizing the purity
and nobility of her misguided action. Poor child,
Miss Smith-Waters thought; she was mistaken, of course,
sadly and grievously mistaken; but, then, ’twas
her heart that misled her, no doubt; and Miss Smith-Waters,
having dim recollections of a far-away time when she
herself too possessed some rudimentary fragment of
such a central vascular organ, fairly cried over the
poor girl’s letter with sympathetic shame, and
remorse, and vexation. Miss Smith-Waters could
hardly be expected to understand that if Herminia
had thought her conduct in the faintest degree wrong,
or indeed anything but the highest and best for humanity,
she could never conceivably have allowed even that
loving heart of hers to hurry her into it. For
Herminia’s devotion to principle was not less
but far greater than Miss Smith-Waters’s own;
only, as it happened, the principles themselves were
diametrically opposite.
Herminia wrote her note with not a
few tears for poor Miss Smith-Waters’s disappointment.
That is the worst of living a life morally ahead of
your contemporaries; what you do with profoundest
conviction of its eternal rightness cannot fail to
arouse hostile and painful feelings even in the souls
of the most right-minded of your friends who still
live in bondage to the conventional lies and the conventional
injustices. It is the good, indeed, who are most
against you. Still, Herminia steeled her heart
to tell the simple truth, how, for the
right’s sake and humanity’s she had made
up her mind to eschew the accursed thing, and to strike
one bold blow for the freedom and unfettered individuality
of women. She knew in what obloquy her action
would involve her, she said; but she knew too, that
to do right for right’s sake was a duty imposed
by nature upon every one of us; and that the clearer
we could see ahead, and the farther in front we could
look, the more profoundly did that duty shine forth
for us. For her own part, she had never shrunk
from doing what she knew to be right for mankind in
the end, though she felt sure it must lead her to
personal misery. Yet unless one woman were prepared
to lead the way, no freedom was possible. She
had found a man with whom she could spend her life
in sympathy and united usefulness; and with him she
had elected to spend it in the way pointed out to
us by nature. Acting on his advice, though somewhat
against her own judgment, she meant to leave England
for the present, only returning again when she could
return with the dear life they had both been instrumental
in bringing into the world, and to which henceforth
her main attention must be directed. She signed
it, “Your ever-grateful and devoted Herminia.”
Poor Miss Smith-Waters laid down that
astonishing, that incredible letter in a perfect whirl
of amazement and stupefaction. She didn’t
know what to make of it. It seemed to run counter
to all her preconceived ideas of moral action.
That a young girl should venture to think for herself
at all about right and wrong was passing strange;
that she should arrive at original notions upon those
abstruse subjects, which were not the notions of constituted
authority and of the universal slave-drivers and obscurantists
generally, notions full of luminousness
upon the real relations and duties of our race, was
to poor, cramped Miss Smith-Waters well-nigh inconceivable.
That a young girl should prefer freedom to slavery;
should deem it more moral to retain her divinely-conferred
individuality in spite of the world than to yield it
up to a man for life in return for the price of her
board and lodging; should refuse to sell her own body
for a comfortable home and the shelter of a name, these
things seemed to Miss Smith-Waters, with her smaller-catechism
standards of right and wrong, scarcely short of sheer
madness. Yet Herminia had so endeared herself
to the old lady’s soul that on receipt of her
letter Miss Smith-Waters went upstairs to her own
room with a neuralgic headache, and never again in
her life referred to her late second mistress in any
other terms than as “my poor dear sweet misguided
Herminia.”
But when it became known next morning
in Bower Lane that the queenly-looking school-mistress
who used to go round among “our girls”
with tickets for concerts and lectures and that, had
disappeared suddenly with the nice-looking young man
who used to come a-courting her on Sundays and evenings,
the amazement and surprise of respectable Bower Lane
was simply unbounded. “Who would have
thought,” the red-faced matrons of the cottages
remarked, over their quart of bitter, “the pore
thing had it in her! But there, it’s these
demure ones as is always the slyest!” For Bower
Lane could only judge that austere soul by its own
vulgar standard (as did also Belgravia). Most
low minds, indeed, imagine absolute hypocrisy must
be involved in any striving after goodness and abstract
right-doing on the part of any who happen to disbelieve
in their own blood-thirsty deities, or their own vile
woman-degrading and prostituting morality. In
the topsy-turvy philosophy of Bower Lane and of Belgravia,
what is usual is right; while any conscious striving
to be better and nobler than the mass around one is
regarded at once as either insane or criminal.