A STEP IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION

The women’s-righters are so often accused, and justly, too, of trying to disturb the equilibrium of happiness in family life, that they should immediately be praised when they do something likely to establish it on a firmer basis.

In Paris they have just succeeded in starting, under the best and happiest auspices, schools where girls will be taught how to bring up babies and how to keep house.  When it is considered that, out of about a million children which are born annually, over 260,000 die before the age of five, it calls for the utmost care in the watchfulness and habits of parents with regard to young children.

Of all European countries, it is perhaps in France that mortality among babies is largest.  France is being depopulated, or at least is not increasing her population.  Enough children are born, but not enough are brought to grown-up age.  This problem, over the solution of which our legislators are very anxious, is vital to France.  It will not be solved by laws enacted, congresses held, and leagues founded.  It will be solved by a reform in the manners and habits of the people, by making marriage easier, by marrying for love more often, and by teaching French women that the first duty of a mother is to raise her children herself, and the second to know how to do it.  This new school, just established in France, will help in the right direction.

The teaching of household duties will also tend to make marriages happier by enabling wives to be more clever and economical.  If we consider that in England and France, which each has a population of about 40,000,000, only about 100,000 men in each country have an income of more than L500 a year, it will soon be clear that the great problem of happiness can only be solved by the good management of wives.

Girls will be taught family hygiene, domestic economy, and the art of cooking, including that of utilizing the remnants of a previous meal.  They will be taught how to ‘shop’ intelligently; that is to say, to distinguish good material from shoddy, and thus obtain the worth of their money.  They will, I hope, also be taught how to make a bargain, a talent which I must say is practically inborn in every French woman of the middle and lower classes.  No woman in the world knows as she does how to bring down the price of things to what she wants it to be, in Paris especially.

Perhaps they will advise her to do what I would advise every visitor to Italy.  I take it that you do not speak Italian.  Never mind that; three words will serve your purpose perfectly.  When you are in an Italian shop and you ask the price of an article you wish to buy, say to the man ‘Quanto?’ (how much?); as soon as he has named it, say ‘Troppo’ (too much).  Then he will say something else.  Just remark ‘Mezzo’ (half that), and then pay, and you will find that the shopkeeper has still 40 or 50 per cent. profit.

When I consider that women’s-righters, as a rule, complain bitterly of men for being of opinion that the only thing which young girls should think about is to prepare to become one day good wives and mothers, I believe that great credit should be given to them for having had the idea of starting schools where young girls will be taught all the duties of attentive mothers and economical wives.

I had the privilege of being present at one lecture on the training of children, and among all the good things which I heard on the occasion I will quote the following, which may be of great use, even to my English readers.

1.  Never threaten children with punishments you may not be able or feel inclined to carry out.  Don’t let your ‘yea’ mean ‘nay,’ nor your ‘nay’ ‘yea.’  You must never be fickle or wavering in your dealing with them, but always firm, just, and reliable, though kind and indulgent.  Don’t punish them, and then regret it, and afterwards fondle them as if to ask for their pardon.  If you do, you will run the risk of having your child say to you:  ’Ah, you see, mamma, you are sorry for what you have done.  Instead of scolding me, I think you ought to thank God for giving me to you!’

2.  Don’t make mountains of molehills, or be constantly down upon children for little breaches of every-day discipline; don’t be fidgety and fussy.  Never offer them a piece of candy, a bun, or an orange as a reward for virtues, or as a bribe to cease being naughty.

Then came a few pieces of advice of a higher order, and which I thought were sound in their philosophy.  Among these I cull the following: 

1.  Do not expect your children to become a joy to you in your old age if you have failed to be a joy to them in their early life and training.  Do not expect them to support you when you are old.  You had a fair start of them in life, and you should be able to provide for yourselves.  They will very likely have families of their own.  Children are often sadly thrown back through having to look after parents who, had they taken time by the forelock, would have been able to look after themselves, and to have given their children a nudge onward into the bargain.  For that matter, never have to be grateful to your children, except for the happiness they may procure you by their affection and the successes which they meet with in life, thanks to the education, money, advice, and what not which you may have given to them.

2.  Don’t let your vanity cheat you into the belief that your children are wonders and exceptional phenomena, and that Nature’s ordinary rules are not applicable to them.

In the nursery lecture on baby culture I retained two or three pieces of advice which seemed to me remarkably good, although my ignorance would not have enabled me to give them.  Young mothers, please listen: 

    1.  Don’t squeeze your baby’s head.

    2.  Never allow your child to go to bed in a bad temper.

    3.  Never encourage it to gaze into the fire, and never tell it
    ghost stories, at night especially.

    4.  Do not allow a rocking-horse before the age of five.

    5.  Never startle a child by sudden shrieks or any other noises.

    6.  In fact, quiet and diet will be the making of a child strong
    in mind and body.

I could fill several pages of this book with all the good things I heard on the occasion of my visit to that useful school.

Maybe, one day such schools will be started in other countries.  I recommend this to the women’s-righters of the United States.