Human nature is so susceptible to externals, while good digestion is so dependent upon interior conditions, that all the accessories of pleasant surroundings neatness, cheeriness, and good breeding should be brought into requisition for the daily gathering of the family at mealtime. The dining room should be one of the airiest, choicest rooms in the house, with a pleasant outlook, and, if possible, with east windows, that the morning sun may gladden the breakfast hour with its cheering rays. Let plants, flowers, birds, and pictures have a place in its appointments, that the association with things bright and beautiful may help to set the keynote of our own lives in cheerful accord. A dark, gloomy, ill-ventilated room brings depression of spirits, and will make the most elaborate meal unsatisfactory; while the plainest meal may seem almost a feast when served amid attractive surroundings. Neatness is an important essential; any home, however humble, may possess cleanliness and order, and without these, all charms of wealth and art are of little account.

A thorough airing each morning and opening of the windows a few minutes after each meal to remove the odor of food, are important items in the care of the dining room. The furnishing may be simple and inexpensive, beauty in a home is not dependent upon expense, but let it be substantial, tasteful, harmonious in color and soft in tone, nothing gaudy or showy. Use no heavy draperies, and have no excess of ornament and bric-a-brac to catch dust and germs. A hard-finished wood floor is far superior to a carpet in point of healthfulness, and quite as economical and easy to keep clean. The general furnishing of the room, besides the dining table and chairs, should include a sideboard, upon which may be arranged the plate and glassware, with drawers for cutlery and table linen; also a side-table for extra dishes needed during the service of a meal.

An open fireplace, when it can be afforded, aids in ventilation as well as increases the cheerful aspect of the room.

A moveable china closet with glass encasements for keeping the daintier china, glass, or silver ware not in common use is often a desirable article of furniture in small homes; or a shallow closet may be built in the wall of the dining-room for this purpose. A good size for such a closet is twelve inches deep and three feet wide. Four shelves, with one or more drawers below, in which may be kept the best table napery, afford ample space in general. The appearance of the whole may be made very pleasing by using doors of glass, and filling in the back and sides of the shelves with velvet paper in dark-brown, dull-red, or any shade suitable for background, harmonizing with the general furnishing of the room. The shelves should be of the same material and have the same finish as the woodwork of the room. The upper side may be covered with felt if desired; and such artistic taste may be displayed in the arrangement of the china as to make the closet ornamental as well as convenient.

TABLE-TALK. A sullen, silent meal is a direct promoter of dyspepsia. “Laugh and grow fat” is an ancient adage embodying good hygienic doctrine. It has long been well understood that food digests better when seasoned with agreeable conversation, and it is important that unpleasant topics should be avoided. Mealtime should not be made the occasion to discuss troubles, trials, and misfortunes, which rouse only gloomy thoughts, impair digestion, and leave one at the close of the meal worried and wearied rather than refreshed and strengthened. Let vexatious questions be banished from the family board. Fill the time with bright, sparkling conversation, but do not talk business or discuss neighborhood gossip. Do not let the food upon the table furnish the theme of conversation; neither praise nor apology are in good taste. Parents who make their food thus an especial topic of conversation are instilling into their children’s minds a notion that eating is the best part of life, whereas it is only a means to a higher end, and should be so considered. Of all family gatherings the meals should be the most genial and pleasant, and with a little effort they may be made most profitable to all. It is said of Dr. Franklin that he derived his peculiarly practical turn of mind from his father’s table talk.

Let themes of conversation be of general interest, in which all may take a part. If there are children, a pleasant custom for the breakfast hour is to have each in turn relate something new and instructive, that he or she has read or learned in the interval since the breakfast hour of the previous day. This stimulates thought and conversational power, while music, history, adventure, politics, and all the arts and sciences offer ample scope for securing interesting items.

Another excellent plan is the selection of a special topic for conversation for each meal or for the meals of a day or a week, a previous announcement of the topic being made, that all, even the youngest, may have time to prepare something to say of it. The benefits from such social intercourse around the board can hardly be over-estimated; and if thus the mealtime is prolonged, and too much appears to be taken out of the busy day, be sure it will add to their years in the end, by increasing health and happiness.

TABLE MANNERS. Good breeding and true refinement are nowhere more apparent than in manners at table. These do not relate alone to the proper use of knife and fork, napkin and spoon, but to habits of punctuality, neatness, quietness, order, and that kind thoughtfulness and courteous attention which spring from the heart “in honor preferring one another.” The purpose of eating should not be merely the appeasement of hunger or the gratification of the palate, but the acquiring of strength for labor or study, that we may be better fitted for usefulness in the world. Consequently, we should eat like responsible beings, and not like the lower orders of animals.

Good table manners cannot be put on for special occasions and laid aside like a garment. Persons not wont to observe the rules of politeness in the every-day life of their own households can never deceive others into thinking them well bred on “company” occasions. Ease and refinement of manners are only acquired by habitual practice, and parents should early accustom their children by both precept and example to observe the requirements of good behavior and politeness at table. Elaborate details are not necessary. We subjoin a few of the more simple rules governing table etiquette:

1. Eat slowly, never filling the mouth very full and avoiding all appearance of greediness.

2. Masticate thoroughly, keeping the lips closed. Eating and drinking should be noiseless.

3. Never speak with the mouth full, nor interrupt another when talking. Any remark worthy of utterance will keep.

4. Do not express a choice for any particular portion or dish, unless requested to do so; and do not find fault with the food. If by chance anything unpleasant is found in it, do not call the attention of others to the fact by either remark or manner.

5. Sit conveniently near the table, but not crowded up close against it; and keep the hands, when not in use to convey food to the mouth, in the lap, beneath the table, never resting upon the table, toying with knife, fork, or spoon.

6. Do not tilt back your chair, or lean upon the table with the elbow, or drum with the fingers.

7. It is contrary to good breeding to shovel one’s food into the mouth with a knife. Everything which can be eaten with a fork should be taken with that utensil alone. If necessary, use the knife for dividing the food, and afterward the fork to convey it to the mouth. Use a spoon for soups and juicy foods.

8. Bread should be broken, not cut. In eating large fruits, like apples or pears, divide with a knife, and take in small portions, holding the knife by the handle rather than the blade.

9. Soup is eaten from the side of the spoon, which is filled without noisily touching the plate.

10. Seeds or stones to be rejected should be taken from the lips with a spoon, never with the fingers. The mouth should not go to the food, but the food to the mouth.

11. Do not crumble food about your plate, nor in any avoidable way soil the table linen.

12. Do not hang the napkin about the neck like a bib, but unfold and lay across the lap in such a manner that it will not slide to the floor. Carefully wipe the mouth before speaking, and as often at other times as may keep the lips perfectly clean of food and drink. At the close of a meal, if at home, fold the napkin neatly and place it in the ring. If at a hotel or away from home, leave the napkin unfolded by your plate.

13. Do not appear impatient to be served, and ordinarily at the home meals wait until all are served before commencing to eat. At a public table where waiters are provided, it is proper to begin eating as soon as the food is served. This is admissible because the wants of other guests are supposed to be similarly looked after.

14. Never reach across a neighbor’s plate for anything. If something beyond him is needed, ask to have it passed to you.

15. Do not tilt your plate or scrape it for the last atom of food.

16. Drink very sparingly, if at all, while eating, and then do not pour the liquid down the throat like water turned from a pitcher.

17. Children should not be allowed to use their fingers to aid themselves in eating. If their hands are too small or too awkward to use a fork, a piece of bread or cracker may be held in the left hand to aid in pushing the food upon the fork or spoon.

18. To help one’s self to butter or any other food from a common dish with one’s own knife or spoon is a gross breach of table etiquette.

19. Never use the handkerchief unnecessarily at the table, and do not cough or sneeze if avoidable.

20. It is not considered proper to pick the teeth at table. If this becomes absolutely necessary, a napkin should be held before the mouth.

21. When a meal or course is finished, lay the knife and fork side by side upon the plate.

22. Except at a hotel or boarding house, it is not proper to leave the table before the rest of the family or guests, without asking the hostess to excuse you.

23. If a guest declines a dish, he need give no reason. “No, I thank you,” is quite sufficient. The host or hostess should not insist upon guests’ partaking of particular dishes, nor put anything upon their plates which they have declined.

THE TABLE. None will deny that the appearance of the table affects one’s enjoyment of the food upon it. A well-appointed table with its cloth, though coarse in texture, perfectly clean and neatly laid, its glass and china bright and shining, and the silver showing by its glistening surface evidence of frequent polishings, gives far more comfort and enjoyment than one where little attention is given to neatness, order, or taste. In many families, effort is made to secure all these important accessories when guests have been invited; but for common use, anything is considered “good enough for just one’s own folks.” This ought not to be, and mothers who permit such a course, need not be surprised if their children exhibit a lack of self-respect and genuineness as well as awkwardness and neglect of manners.

The table around which the family meals are taken, ought to be at all times the model of what it should be when surrounded by guests. As a writer has well said, “There is no silent educator in the household that has higher rank than the table. Surrounded each day by the family who are eager for refreshment of body and spirit, its impressions sink deep; and its influences for good or ill form no mean part of the warp and woof of our lives. Its fresh damask, bright silver, glass, and china, give beautiful lessons in neatness, order, and taste; its damask soiled, rumpled, and torn, its silver dingy, its glass cloudy, and china nicked, annoy and vex us at first, and then instill their lessons of carelessness and disorder. An attractive, well-ordered table is an incentive to good manners, and being a place where one is incited to linger, it tends to control the bad habits of fast eating; while, on the contrary, an uninviting, disorderly table gives license to bad manners, and encourages the haste which is proverbial among Americans. The woman, then, who looks after her table in these particulars, is not doing trivial work, for it rests with her to give silently these good or bad lessons in manners and morals to her household as they surround the daily board.”

A well-appointed table requires very little time and labor. No pretense or ostentation is necessary; neatness and simplicity are far more pleasing.

SETTING THE TABLE. Lay a piece of double-faced canton flannel underneath the tablecloth. Even coarse napery will present a much better appearance with a sub-cover than if spread directly upon the table. It will likewise lessen noise in changing courses and the likelihood of injury to the table from hot dishes. Spread the tablecloth evenly, without wrinkles, and so that the center fold shall be exactly in the middle, parallel with the sides of the table. Mats, if used, should be placed exactly straight and with regularity. If meat is served, spread a large napkin with points toward the center of the table at the carver’s place, to protect the tablecloth. Place the plates upon the table, right side up, at even distances from each other and straight with the cloth and the edge of the table. Lay the napkins directly in front or at the right of each plate. Place the fork at the left, the knife on the right with the edge toward the plate, beyond this the soup spoon and two teaspoons, and at the front of these set the glass, cream glass, and individual butter plate if these are used.

A center piece consisting of a vase of freshly cut flowers, a pot of ferns, a jar of small plants in bloom, a dish of well-polished red apples, peaches, or other seasonable fruit, will add a touch of beauty and attractiveness. If the serving is to be done from the table by members of the family, place large spoons near dishes to be served, also the proper number and kind of separate dishes for the purpose. If fruit is to be served, a finger bowl should be placed for each person. If the service is by course, the extra dishes, knives, forks, and spoons needed, also the finger bowls, water service, and cold foods in reserve for a renewed supply or for other courses, should be made ready and arranged upon the sideboard.

The soup ladle should be placed in front of the lady of the house, who always serves the soup; and if meat is served, the carving knife and fork must, of course, be placed before the carver’s place. The necessary dishes for each course should be brought on with the food, those for the first course being placed upon the table just a moment before dinner is announced.

The arrangement of all dishes and foods upon the table should be uniform, regular, and tasteful, so as to give an orderly appearance to the whole. The “dishing up” and arranging of the food are matters of no small importance, as a dull appetite will often be sharpened at the sight of a daintily arranged dish, while the keenest one may have its edge dulled by the appearance of a shapeless mass piled up with no regard to looks. Even the simplest food is capable of looking its best, and the greatest care should be taken to have all dishes served neatly and tastefully.

The table should not be set for breakfast the night before nor kept so from one meal to another, unless carefully covered with a cloth thick enough to prevent the dust from accumulating upon the dishes. The plates and glasses should then be placed bottom-side up and turned just before mealtime. No food of any kind should ever be allowed to remain uncovered upon the table from one meal to another. The cloth for covering the table should be carefully shaken each time before using, and always used the same side up until washed.

Plates and individual meat dishes should be warmed, especially in winter; but the greatest care should be taken that no dish becomes hot, as that not only makes it troublesome to handle, but is ruinous to the dishes.

THE SERVICE OF MEALS. There are few invariable rules for either table-setting or service. We will offer a few suggestions upon this point, though doubtless other ways are equally good. A capital idea for the ordinary home meal, when no servant is kept, especially if in the family there are older children, is to make different members of the family responsible for the proper service of some dish or course. The fruit, which should be the first course at breakfast, may be prepared and placed upon fruit plates with the proper utensils for eating napkins and finger bowls at each place before the meal is announced. If apples or bananas are served, a cracker should be placed upon each plate to be eaten in connection with the fruit. Oranges and grapes are, however, to be preferred when obtainable; the former may be prepared as directed on page 180. The hot foods may be dished, and the dishes placed on a side table in a bain marie, the hot water in which should be as deep as the food within the dishes. The foods will thus be in readiness, and will keep much better than if placed upon the table at the beginning of the meal. When the fruit is eaten, some member of the family may remove the fruit plates, and bring the hot grains, toasts, and other foods, placing them, together with the necessary individual dishes, before those who have their serving in charge. One member may be selected to pass the bread, another to dish the sauce, etc.; and thus each child, whether boy or girl even those quite young may contribute to the service, and none be overburdened, while at the same time it will be a means of teaching a due regard for the comfort and enjoyment of others.

If the meal is dinner, usually consisting of three courses, after the soup has been eaten, it may be the duty of some member of the family to remove the soup plates and place the vegetables, grains, and meats if any are to served, before those chosen to serve them. At the close of this course, another may remove the dishes and food, crumb the cloth, and place the dessert, with the proper dishes for serving, before the lady of the house or her oldest daughter, one of whom usually serves it.

If a servant is employed, the following is an excellent plan of service: The soup plates or bowls should be placed hot upon the table, with the tureen of soup before the lady of the house, and the glasses filled before the dinner is announced.

Grace having been said, the servant removes the cover of the soup tureen, and standing at the left of the lady, takes up with her left hand a soup plate, which she changes to the palm of her right hand and holds at the edge of the soup tureen until the lady has filled it, then carries it, still holding it upon the palm of the hand, and places it before the head of the table. In the same manner all are served to soup. If bowls instead of plates are used, a small silver or lacquered tray may be used on which to carry the bowl. While the soup is being eaten, the servant goes to the kitchen and brings in the hot dishes and foods for the next course, and places them upon the side table. When the soup has been finished, beginning with the one who sits at the head of the table, the servant places before each person in turn a hot dinner plate, at the same time removing his soup plate to the sideboard or pantry. After changing all the plates, she removes the soup tureen, and if meat is to be served, places that before the carver with the individual plates, which, when he has placed a portion thereon, she serves to each in turn; then she takes the potato and other vegetables upon her tray, and serves them, going to the left of each person when passing them a dish, but placing individual dishes at the right; next she passes the bread, refills the glasses, taking each one separately to the sideboard, and then serves the grains.

When every one has finished the course, she begins the clearing of the table by first removing all large dishes of food; after that the plates and all soiled dishes, mats, and all table furniture except the glasses, napkin rings, and center-pieces. Lastly she removes all crumbs with a brush or napkin. When done, she places in front of each person a plate with a doily and finger bowl upon it, and then brings the dessert and dessert dishes, placing them before the lady of the house, and passes these for her as in the other courses. If the dessert is pudding, a spoon or fork should be placed on the plate at one side of the finger bowl. If the dessert is fruit, a fruit napkin may be used in place of the doily, the real purpose of which is to prevent the bowl from sliding about the plate in moving it. A fork and silver knife, or knife and spoon as the fruit may require, should be served with it.

GENERAL SUGGESTIONS FOR WAITERS. In serving a dish from which people are expected to help themselves, always go to the left side.

Soup, food in individual dishes, clean plates, and finger bowls should be set down before people at their right hand.

When removing soiled dishes after a course, always exchange them for clean ones, remembering that the only time when it is allowable to leave the table without plates is when it is being cleared for the dessert.

In serving grains either dish them in small dishes before serving or pass clean saucers at the same time for each to help himself, and in all cases see that each person is served to cream, sugar, and a teaspoon, with grains.

Pass the bread two or three times during each meal, and keep careful watch that all are well supplied.

Pour hot milk and all beverages on the side table; fill only three fourths full, and serve the same as anything else in individual dishes, placing the glass at each person’s right hand.

Waiters should be noiseless and prompt, and neatly attired in dress suitable to their occupation.

SUGGESTIONS CONCERNING DINNER PARTIES. Much of the success of a dinner party depends upon the guests selected; and the first point for consideration by the lady who decides upon entertaining her friends thus, should be the congeniality of those whom she desires to invite, remembering that after the first greetings the guests see very little of their hostess, and consequently their enjoyment must largely depend upon each other. It is customary to issue invitations in the name of the host and hostess, from five to ten days in advance of the occasion. Printed or written invitations may be used. The following is a proper form:

Mr. and Mrs. George Brown
request the pleasure
of
Mr. and Mrs. Henry Clark’s company
at dinner
December 5th, at four o’clock.
24 Maple Avenue.

If the dinner is given in especial honor to some stranger, a second card is inclosed on which is written:

To meet

Mrs. Harold Brooks of Philadelphia.

Invitations to a dinner should be promptly accepted or declined, and if accepted, the engagement should on no account be lightly broken.

Unless one has a large establishment, and is very sure of good service, the bill of fare selected should not be an elaborate one, and the choice of dishes should be confined to those which one is used to preparing, and which in cost will not exceed one’s means. It is the quality of the dinner which pleases, and not the multiplicity of dishes. Small dinners for not less than six or more than ten guests are always the most pleasant, and for those of moderate means or those unaccustomed to dinner-giving are by far the most suitable.

The arrangement and adornment of the table afford an opportunity for the display of much artistic taste and skill. An expensive outlay is by no means necessary, as highly pleasing effects may be produced by the addition of a few choice, well-arranged flowers or blossoming plants to a table already well laid with spotless linen, bright silver, and clean glass and china ware. A profusion of ornament should be avoided, large pieces of plate, and high, elaborate designs of flowers or fruit should not be used, as they obstruct the intercourse of the guests.

A center piece of flowers, with a small bouquet tied with ribbon for each guest, is quite sufficient. Low dishes filled with violets or pansies; a basket filled with oranges, mingled with orange leaves and blossoms; bowls of ferns and roses; a block of ice wreathed in ferns, with an outer circle of water lilies; dishes of vari-colored grapes resting amid the bright leaves of the foliage plant, are some of many pleasing designs which may be employed for the adornment of the dinner table. The amount of space occupied with decorations must depend upon the style of service employed. If no calculation need be made for placing the different dishes composing the dinner, a strip of colored plush or satin bordered with ivy, smilax, or some trailing vine, is quite frequently used for the decoration of a long table.

A very pleasing custom consists in selecting some especial color for the decorations with which the table napery, dishes, and even the food to be served shall accord; as, for example, a “pink” dinner, with roses as the chief flower, strawberries, pink lemonade, and other pink attractions; or a “yellow” luncheon, served on napery etched with yellow, with vases of goldenrod for center pieces, and dainty bouquets of the same tied with yellow ribbon at each plate, while yellow tapers in golden candlesticks cast a mellow light over all, during the serving of a bill of fare which might include peaches and cream, oranges, pumpkin pie, and other yellow comestibles.

The menu cards afford much opportunity for adding attractiveness to a company dinner. If one possesses artistic skill, a floral decoration or a tiny sketch, with an appropriate quotation, the guest’s name, and date of the dinner, make of the cards very pleasing souvenirs. A proper quotation put after each dish is much in vogue as a means of promoting conversation. The quotations are best selected from one author.

There are no absolute rules for the service of company dinners, much depending upon social conditions and established customs. Two modes are in general use, placing the dishes upon the table to be dished by the host and hostess, and placing all food upon the side table to be dished and served by a waiter. When the latter method is used, it is quite customary to place the plates of soup upon the table before dinner is announced. As many knives, forks, and spoons as will be needed for the courses may be placed beside each plate, or they may be brought in with the course, as preferred. Clean plates are necessary for every course. The manner of serving is essentially like that already described.

Care should be taken to have the dining room at an agreeable temperature, neither too warm nor too cold.

At large dinner parties, each gentleman, as he enters, receives a card upon which is written the name of the lady he is to take in to dinner, to whom the hostess at once presents him. When dinner is announced, the host leads the way with the oldest or most distinguished lady or the one to whom the dinner is given, while the hostess follows last, with the most honored gentleman. The host places the lady whom he escorts on his right. If the number is small, the host indicates the places the guests should occupy as they enter the room; if the party is large, the menu card at each plate bears the name of the guest for whom it is designed. The lady escorted by the host should be the first one served.

Soup is always taken and tasted, whether liked or not; after the first course, it is proper to accept or refuse a dish, as preferred.

No well-bred hostess ever apologizes for the food upon her table or urges anything upon her guests when once declined. No orders should be given to servants during the meal; everything that will contribute to the proper serving of the dinner should be arranged beforehand, and all necessary instructions given.

At the close of the dinner, the hostess gives the sign for retiring.

TABLE TOPICS.

A meal what is it? Just enough of food
To renovate and well refresh the frame,
So that with spirits lightened, and with strength renewed,
We turn with willingness to work again.

Sel.

Do not bring disagreeable things to the table in your conversation
any more than you would in your dishes. Sel.

Courtesy in the mistress of the house consists in feeding
conversation; never in usurping it. Mme. Swetchine

Good humor and good health follow a good meal; and by a good meal we
mean anything, however simple, well dressed in its way. Smiles.

Unquiet meals make ill digestion. Shakespeare.

Eat slowly and do not season your food with care. Sel.

To rise from the table able to eat a little more is a proverbially good rule for every one. There is nothing more idiotic than forcing down a few mouthfuls, because they happen to remain on one’s plate after hunger is satisfied, and because they may be “wasted” if left. It is the most serious waste to overtax the stomach with even half an ounce more than it can take care of. Sel.

I pray you, O excellent wife! cumber not yourself and me to get a curiously rich dinner for this man and woman who have just alighted at our gate.... These things, if they are desirous of them, they can get for a few shillings at any village inn; but rather let that stranger see, if he will, in your looks, accents, and behavior, your heart and earnestness, your thought and will, that which he cannot buy at any price in any city, and which he may travel miles and dine sparely and sleep hardly to behold. Emerson.