It was not till the end of October
that she saw Captain Everard again, and on that occasion the
only one of all the series on which hindrance had
been so utter no communication with him
proved possible. She had made out even from
the cage that it was a charming golden day: a
patch of hazy autumn sunlight lay across the sanded
floor and also, higher up, quickened into brightness
a row of ruddy bottled syrups. Work was slack
and the place in general empty; the town, as they said
in the cage, had not waked up, and the feeling of
the day likened itself to something than in happier
conditions she would have thought of romantically as
Saint Martin’s summer. The counter-clerk
had gone to his dinner; she herself was busy with
arrears of postal jobs, in the midst of which she became
aware that Captain Everard had apparently been in the
shop a minute and that Mr. Buckton had already seized
him.
He had as usual half a dozen telegrams;
and when he saw that she saw him and their eyes met
he gave, on bowing to her, an exaggerated laugh in
which she read a new consciousness. It was a
confession of awkwardness; it seemed to tell her that
of course he knew he ought better to have kept his
head, ought to have been clever enough to wait, on
some pretext, till he should have found her free.
Mr. Buckton was a long time with him, and her attention
was soon demanded by other visitors; so that nothing
passed between them but the fulness of their silence.
The look she took from him was his greeting, and
the other one a simple sign of the eyes sent her before
going out. The only token they exchanged therefore
was his tacit assent to her wish that since they couldn’t
attempt a certain frankness they should attempt nothing
at all. This was her intense preference; she
could be as still and cold as any one when that was
the sole solution.
Yet more than any contact hitherto
achieved these counted instants struck her as marking
a step: they were built so just in
the mere flash on the recognition of his
now definitely knowing what it was she would do for
him. The “anything, anything” she
had uttered in the Park went to and fro between them
and under the poked-out china that interposed.
It had all at last even put on the air of their not
needing now clumsily to manoeuvre to converse:
their former little postal make-believes, the intense
implications of questions and answers and change, had
become in the light of the personal fact, of their
having had their moment, a possibility comparatively
poor. It was as if they had met for all time it
exerted on their being in presence again an influence
so prodigious. When she watched herself, in
the memory of that night, walk away from him as if
she were making an end, she found something too pitiful
in the primness of such a gait. Hadn’t
she precisely established on the part of each a consciousness
that could end only with death?
It must be admitted that in spite
of this brave margin an irritation, after he had gone,
remained with her; a sense that presently became one
with a still sharper hatred of Mr. Buckton, who, on
her friend’s withdrawal, had retired with the
telegrams to the sounder and left her the other work.
She knew indeed she should have a chance to see them,
when she would, on file; and she was divided, as the
day went on, between the two impressions of all that
was lost and all that was re-asserted. What beset
her above all, and as she had almost never known it
before, was the desire to bound straight out, to overtake
the autumn afternoon before it passed away for ever
and hurry off to the Park and perhaps be with him
there again on a bench. It became for an hour
a fantastic vision with her that he might just have
gone to sit and wait for her. She could almost
hear him, through the tick of the sounder, scatter
with his stick, in his impatience, the fallen leaves
of October. Why should such a vision seize her
at this particular moment with such a shake?
There was a time from four to five when
she could have cried with happiness and rage.
Business quickened, it seemed, toward
five, as if the town did wake up; she had therefore
more to do, and she went through it with little sharp
stampings and jerkings: she made the crisp postal-orders
fairly snap while she breathed to herself “It’s
the last day the last day!” The
last day of what? She couldn’t have told.
All she knew now was that if she were out
of the cage she wouldn’t in the least have minded,
this time, its not yet being dark. She would
have gone straight toward Park Chambers and have hung
about there till no matter when. She would have
waited, stayed, rung, asked, have gone in, sat on the
stairs. What the day was the last of was probably,
to her strained inner sense, the group of golden ones,
of any occasion for seeing the hazy sunshine slant
at that angle into the smelly shop, of any range of
chances for his wishing still to repeat to her the
two words she had in the Park scarcely let him bring
out. “See here see here!” the
sound of these two words had been with her perpetually;
but it was in her ears to-day without mercy, with a
loudness that grew and grew. What was it they
then expressed? what was it he had wanted her to see?
She seemed, whatever it was, perfectly to see it
now to see that if she should just chuck
the whole thing, should have a great and beautiful
courage, he would somehow make everything up to her.
When the clock struck five she was on the very point
of saying to Mr. Buckton that she was deadly ill and
rapidly getting worse. This announcement was
on her lips, and she had quite composed the pale hard
face she would offer him: “I can’t
stop I must go home. If I feel better,
later on, I’ll come back. I’m very
sorry, but I must go.” At that
instant Captain Everard once more stood there, producing
in her agitated spirit, by his real presence, the
strangest, quickest revolution. He stopped her
off without knowing it, and by the time he had been
a minute in the shop she felt herself saved.
That was from the first minute how
she thought of it. There were again other persons
with whom she was occupied, and again the situation
could only be expressed by their silence. It
was expressed, of a truth, in a larger phrase than
ever yet, for her eyes now spoke to him with a kind
of supplication. “Be quiet, be quiet!”
they pleaded; and they saw his own reply: “I’ll
do whatever you say; I won’t even look at you see,
see!” They kept conveying thus, with the friendliest
liberality, that they wouldn’t look, quite positively
wouldn’t. What she was to see was that
he hovered at the other end of the counter, Mr. Buckton’s
end, and surrendered himself again to that frustration.
It quickly proved so great indeed that what she was
to see further was how he turned away before he was
attended to, and hung off, waiting, smoking, looking
about the shop; how he went over to Mr. Cocker’s
own counter and appeared to price things, gave in
fact presently two or three orders and put down money,
stood there a long time with his back to her, considerately
abstaining from any glance round to see if she were
free. It at last came to pass in this way that
he had remained in the shop longer than she had ever
yet known to do, and that, nevertheless, when he did
turn about she could see him time himself she
was freshly taken up and cross straight
to her postal subordinate, whom some one else had released.
He had in his hand all this while neither letters
nor telegrams, and now that he was close to her for
she was close to the counter-clerk it brought
her heart into her mouth merely to see him look at
her neighbour and open his lips. She was too
nervous to bear it. He asked for a Post-Office
Guide, and the young man whipped out a new one; whereupon
he said he wished not to purchase, but only to consult
one a moment; with which, the copy kept on loan being
produced, he once more wandered off.
What was he doing to her? What
did he want of her? Well, it was just the aggravation
of his “See here!” She felt at this moment
strangely and portentously afraid of him had
in her ears the hum of a sense that, should it come
to that kind of tension, she must fly on the spot to
Chalk Farm. Mixed with her dread and with her
reflexion was the idea that, if he wanted her so much
as he seemed to show, it might be after all simply
to do for him the “anything” she had promised,
the “everything” she had thought it so
fine to bring out to Mr. Mudge. He might want
her to help him, might have some particular appeal;
though indeed his manner didn’t denote that denoted
on the contrary an embarrassment, an indecision, something
of a desire not so much to be helped as to be treated
rather more nicely than she had treated him the other
time. Yes, he considered quite probably that
he had help rather to offer than to ask for.
Still, none the less, when he again saw her free he
continued to keep away from her; when he came back
with his thumbed Guide it was Mr. Buckton he caught it
was from Mr. Buckton he obtained half-a-crown’s-worth
of stamps.
After asking for the stamps he asked,
quite as a second thought, for a postal-order for
ten shillings. What did he want with so many
stamps when he wrote so few letters? How could
he enclose a postal-order in a telegram? She
expected him, the next thing, to go into the corner
and make up one of his telegrams half a
dozen of them on purpose to prolong his
presence. She had so completely stopped looking
at him that she could only guess his movements guess
even where his eyes rested. Finally she saw
him make a dash that might have been toward the nook
where the forms were hung; and at this she suddenly
felt that she couldn’t keep it up. The
counter-clerk had just taken a telegram from a slavey,
and, to give herself something to cover her, she snatched
it out of his hand. The gesture was so violent
that he gave her in return an odd look, and she also
perceived that Mr. Buckton noticed it. The latter
personage, with a quick stare at her, appeared for
an instant to wonder whether his snatching it in his
turn mightn’t be the thing she would least like,
and she anticipated this practical criticism by the
frankest glare she had ever given him. It sufficed:
this time it paralysed him; and she sought with her
trophy the refuge of the sounder.